The hardest lesson in life I have had to learn is to sit with my discomfort, to embrace the silences in conversation, as opposed to rushing to fill them with words or actions. As this election continues its ugly path to resolution, I am once again sitting uncomfortably still. Exit polls showed 53% of white women voted for Trump. That is shocking to me. It is also a clear indicator that I need to lower my expectations. I was so certain there would be a blue wave, if for no other reason than we have all heard and seen the complete lack of respect shown towards women, especially women who challenge this President.

Setting aside for a moment, the name calling, fat shaming, and general scandals we have been forced to hear and see during this administration, we have a Commander in Chief who espouses family values and yet has been unfaithful in all three marriages, cheated on his wife with a porn star, called female journalists stupid, and has been accused of sexual assault by a dozen or more women. His appointee to the Supreme Court has a history of frat boy behavior and has been accused of sexual assault.

Folks, this is some serious discomfort to sit with. A large percentage of the Americans that this administration tears down, voted for more of the same. That is where we are today. The question now is, where do we go?

I have no doubt that racism played a role in the voting for Trump, with regard to both men and women. Having said that, women tend to vote for stability and I have a sinking feeling they also voted to maintain what they perceive as their status or to keep the tax advantages they believe they received, or because they see the stock market as the economy.

We have some serious work to do here. I don’t have any answers for how we work past this, though I think we’re going to have to start having some uncomfortable non party related conversations. As women, as mothers, sisters, wives, we have to start talking about the disproportionate number of young black men that die in police custody, the higher number imprisoned. We need to discuss prostitution in a frank and open manner. Why are the women who are often forced to sell their bodies punished more than the buyers of the service? Wall Street is NOT Main Street and we need to recognize that poverty is a huge issue in our country, a university education is out of reach for many, and the racial and economic divide will only continue to weaken this nation.

What I’m asking all of you to do is take a moment, sit with the worst of your discomfort regarding the outcome of this election. Think through what surprised you the most and then think about your circle of friends and family. Is there anyone who voted for Trump that you can actively listen to? We need to understand what they voted for. Racism is a non starter to be sure, but were there fears, real or imagined, they were trying to mitigate? When we can understand what these voters wanted or didn’t want, we can begin to understand why they were so ready to sacrifice civility, polite discourse, dignity, and to tolerate the mistreatment of others.

In closing, do not misunderstand, I am not feeling peace and love. I am angry, I am sick, and I am feeling lost. I do not understand the numbers that voted the way they did. The thought of babies in cages, young black men dying, children separated from their families, women losing their reproductive freedoms, the erosion of church and state, all of this was on the line.

I’d like to rage, to yell, to scream in frustration. I might yet do that, but at the end of the day, we have to find a way through this. We have to find a way to protect our young and our country and I firmly believe that we women can do this. We do this every day when we care for our families, friends, and neighbors. Now we need to widen that circle, enlarge the table, whatever analogy works for you. It won’t be easy but we can’t let ourselves be here again. The next would be king might be a lot more competent than this one and a lot harder to remove.